The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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