yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
