I don't think brook has ever known best
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
