You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize