He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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