He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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