I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
