I accidentally burped into my bong.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
