I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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