sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
