True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
