i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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