So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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