So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
smell my finger.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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