If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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