Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
