As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
