i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
