we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
