And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
