i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
