can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
