sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
