In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
