I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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