Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
