She's JV to your varsity
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
