Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
