This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize