have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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