Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
