So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We left the knife in your bed.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
