I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
