Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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