you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
