I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
