she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
