Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
