I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
