oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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