drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he thought i was a dude.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
