I CAN MOONWALK!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
