she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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