just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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