Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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