S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
