At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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