Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
