your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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