my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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