So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
