i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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