I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
