If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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