I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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