when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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