it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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