hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
