I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
