respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
