we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
