you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we're making bets on your personal life
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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