Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
