my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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