I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
nutella sex= disaster
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
