I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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