I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
