Where did you get a picture of my penis
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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