I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
