she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
